I had a crush on this girl I knew from way back. To my luck, we reconnected recently during a time when we’re both single. As we began hanging out I started to build this ideology about her. Like I was putting together a mosaic of her beauty, tile by tile, filling it up with all the cute little shit she’d do on a daily basis. It’s quite hilarious how fast she fell from grace in my mind. In about 30 minutes I went from “I wanna marry this woman” to “Wow, I never wanna see this broad again.”
So, we went to a Dunkin Donuts to catch up. We stepped up to order, and she begins to spit out this super complex gibberish about her stupid drink. “decaf” this and “soy milk” that with double pumpkin and stuff that doesn’t normally go in there but it’s gonna this time because that’s how I like it. I think she was performing the Black Sacrament at one point, and all I could do was watch her mouth keep going and going. When she finished summoning her dragon, I laughed, looked at the guy and said, “I’ll just have a black coffee. Not too hot.” The fucking look this guy gave me, I swear.
It might as well have been me speaking in tongues because this guy tilted his head like a dog at the idea of a black coffee that isn’t scalding. I had to walk him through it like an idiot:
Me: I just want a coffee that isn’t too hot.
Barista: So, you want an Iced Coffee?
Me: No. that’s not what I said. I want a coffee that isn’t boiling.
Barista: But we can’t change the temperature on th-
Me: you know what, I’ll just have coffee with ice on the side.
So, a few minutes later, she gets her Pumpkin Orgasm and I get my cup of lava. We sit down and start talking when she takes a sip of her drink. She made this face and said it didn’t taste right. “I get it all the time. This doesn’t taste right.” First, she said it wasn’t soy milk, so she had it remade. Then she thought the milk was bad, had it remade again. Then the pumpkin stuff tasted sour, had it remade again. Then they put caramel when she said no caramel, she shook her head and caught a glimpse of my look. “What? I order this all the time. It doesn’t taste right. It’s them. They don’t know how to make it right at this location” she says.
She could’ve ordered something else after the second time. She didn’t have to insist that they just didn’t know how to do it right. She didn’t have to reorder the same thing over and over. She didn’t have to make that face that looks like she just sucked crude oil up her straw; like it’s the worst thing that as EVER happened to her. She didn’t have to roll her eyes and deem everyone an “idiot” for not living up to her expectation of a fucking coffee. She didn’t have to, but she did. And she likely acts that way all the time.
It all made sense now. That encounter with her put together a much different person than I originally saw. This was the kind of girl that liked going to Fleming’s on a Monday night “just because”, the girl that always looks into a BMW to see who’s driving, the girl that wants the country club lifestyle but isn’t willing to work for it, the girl that’ll take you for all you got. This is a special kind of girl that I never expected to see in this one. But in that coffee shop I saw all I had to. I saw enough about her to know that overall, she’s not a bad person, she’s just bad for me. I knew enough about her now to say that we would’ve been very incompatible as boyfriend and girlfriend, So I never saw her again. I told her I would keep in touch but a week went by where I didn’t text and she unfriended me on Facebook. I tried to friend request her and she blocked me. Yeah, we never would’ve worked out.
Thank god I dodged that bullet.